He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
