She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
