bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
