I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
