3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
