We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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