I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
