yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Non-Jews are for practice
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
