allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
