Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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