Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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