last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
