I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
