fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
