Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
