It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
