my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
