my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
