What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
