I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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