hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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