babies were throwing up all over the place
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.