That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high