Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?

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(773): Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home? http://tfl.nu/5b5c

Replies (4) Good night (903) Bad night (1002)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.

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(405): And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch. http://tfl.nu/1xo5

Replies (12) Good night (848) Bad night (1862)
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(559): View more from California

Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs

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(559): Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs http://tfl.nu/r642

Replies (18) Good night (2727) Bad night (624)
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(775): View more from Nevada

What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?

(1-775): View more from Nevada

A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!

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(775): What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS? (1-775): A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass! http://tfl.nu/lvgp

Replies (16) Good night (1813) Bad night (2620)
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(443): View more from Maryland

hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?

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(443): hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"? http://tfl.nu/cmo1

Replies (23) Good night (1436) Bad night (5631)
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(226): View more from Ontario

I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.

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(226): I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop. http://tfl.nu/0sxf

Replies (4) Good night (3584) Bad night (1205)
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(217): View more from Illinois

So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.

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(217): So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world. http://tfl.nu/kbv9

Replies (18) Good night (2523) Bad night (1701)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.

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(920): I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs. http://tfl.nu/adoe

Replies (7) Good night (2383) Bad night (773)
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(301): View more from Maryland

They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."

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(301): They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up." http://tfl.nu/f0g8

Replies (3) Good night (2082) Bad night (767)
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(512): View more from Texas

Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!

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(512): Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?! http://tfl.nu/k4mm

Replies (17) Good night (853) Bad night (3612)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.

(1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

Totally acceptable.

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(832): I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro. (1-832): Totally acceptable. http://tfl.nu/y2av

Replies (7) Good night (2306) Bad night (597)
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(831): View more from California

Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance

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(831): Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance http://tfl.nu/d5xa

Replies (14) Good night (3190) Bad night (716)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

I think I might cry.

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(417): I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully. (1-417): I think I might cry. http://tfl.nu/g5az

Replies (10) Good night (535) Bad night (1023)
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(315): View more from New York

Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack

(1-315): View more from New York

This is why I love you...

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(315): Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack (1-315): This is why I love you... http://tfl.nu/jq03

Replies (5) Good night (978) Bad night (306)
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(254): View more from Texas

You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.

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(254): You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived. http://tfl.nu/r7ld

Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (205)

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