If i come over, it means nothing
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it