I will die if light touches me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket