I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini