Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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