Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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