Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
