i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and she was petting her beer can
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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