Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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