i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
