The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
