I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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