i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
