PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
