Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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