Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
