I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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