I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
