Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
