You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
