Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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