Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
