It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
