FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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