i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
