I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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