Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
