i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
