D3 body, D1 cock
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
