Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
