i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
