She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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