I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
