did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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