I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I want a musical about memes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
