i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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