she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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