I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
