holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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