thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
