i jhust puked up my retainher.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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