By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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