it wasn't lemon gatorade
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
