So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
