I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
