Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
