i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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