my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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