is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
