at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
