I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
