Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
