i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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