there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
