Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You should frame my arrest warrant.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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