whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
