I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
