I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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