Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
