my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
