I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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